About 10 years ago I really started struggling with the month of December, and Christmas in particular. Christmas songs didn’t spread joy in my heart, they created an ache. The sheer nostalgia of the words, the slight melancholy feel of the music over against the sometimes overly bright and cheery exclamations of wonder left me dour in my countenance and sour in my heart. Bitterness of soul was my next stop. For a while, it got to the point that I didn’t want to hear any music and I told God He should probably prepare His own place in my heart. He could come but I wasn’t going to work hard to make a place for Him.

How painful it can be to awaken the heart. Like the constancy of an alarm interrupting blissful sleep, small things can pierce the sleep fog in which we wrap ourselves. Sometimes we’re ready to wake up, and other days it feels like a lot of trouble to get out of bed. And some days, it’s downright painful…for body and for soul.

Longings are one of those things that wake us up. Like me with Christmas. The music wakes up my longings for things I don’t have and people I can’t get to. We come to realize a gap exists between what we want and what we have. So, we work to close it and discover we can’t. It’s painful and disillusioning. Enough so that we start fighting back for control. The easiest way to control something is to pretend it doesn’t exist or bother us. And thus, we put ourselves back to sleep.

Perhaps this is why Jesus asked so many, “What do you want?” It wasn’t a frivolous question; it was an invitation. An invitation to uncover our longings; to be awake to them, seeing what doors they may lead us through.

I wonder if we have the courage today to answer Jesus’ question? To allow whatever might be true rolling around inside to come forward? How does the question feel to you? How do you perceive Jesus as He asks, “What do you want?”

Perhaps you want to sit quietly for a few moments and picture you and Jesus talking about this. Let your heart be curious in the conversation. There are no right answers in this moment. Uncovered hearts are a great delight to Him. Perhaps ask Him to guide you as you look within to see what it is you truly long for.

When you’ve finished, jot down whatever feels important to you. Let’s see what God might do with that.